Courage & Connection
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”
How to Find Your Community Anywhere in the World
We've all felt it that need for a sense of belonging. The world is vast, and whether you've moved across the country or simply across town, finding your people requires courage and connection. While the job market and pace of life can often seem quite brutal, do remember that everyone desires connection. The reality of chronic loneliness is serious: research indicates it can be as detrimental to one's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and dementia. Every corner of the world is home to some truly wonderful, talented, and self-aware people. Your task is simple: find them.
1. Grounding Yourself: The People Who Matter
Even when things are tough, we are rarely alone. We all know people who can help us, or who we can help when they are struggling. It helps to remind ourselves who they are and acknowledge the network we already have.
📝 A Moment for Reflection
Take a moment to write down the names of the people you are connected to. What do they do? How can you continue to connect with them this week?
2. Approach and Intentionality
Despite these challenges, building friendships needn't be a struggle. Energy attracts energy. Success largely depends on your approach, social style, circumstances, and a bit of good luck. Highly sociable types won't have much trouble, while the shy and reserved may need to invest more time.
It is also worth noting that, according to relationship science, making friends becomes harder as an adult, regardless of location. People become preoccupied with careers, relationships, and children. To find your mates, it is crucial to be both intentional and patient.
The fact remains that there are plenty of kind, engaging, and fun people ready to make space for new connections. Your job is simply to find the ones you click with. Approach new friendships with that spirit of abundance and generosity.
3. The Traditional Route: Proximity and Repetition
Research shows that friendships often form through repeated exposure. The traditional route of close proximity and meeting in a familiar setting almost daily allows you to discover each other organically. Classic examples include university, the workplace, or a shared house. This is by far the easiest route and is how most people begin building their core group.
Of course, this requires a certain amount of luck; you might not bond with your colleagues or housemates. You could also be a freelancer or live alone, or both.
4. Finding Your Community
If proximity isn't an option, you must create your own! Finding a niche community based on your interests is the most reliable way to meet like-minded individuals. Do you enjoy yoga in your spare time? Spend your weekends hiking? Or have you always wanted to try pottery?
Here are a few examples of popular avenues for meeting people:
The Arts: Local theatre groups / Toastmasters
Organisations/Clubs
Workplaces and Social clubs
Fitness: Bouldering, hiking groups, gyms/sports clubs
Professional: Co-working or freelance meetups
Social/Nightlife: Live music scenes
Service: Volunteering
Academics: Language classes or studying for a new course (If you have the means and the time, learning is an excellent route to new friendships.)
🤝 Platforms to Try:
To find local groups, use well-known platforms such as Eventbrite, Meetup, Bumble Friends, Time left, and Thursday.
5. Cultivating Micro-Connections
Do not underestimate the significance of small gestures. Strike up a bit of small talk with your neighbours in the stairwell or compliment that person on the bus, tram, or Tube on their smart shoes. Cultivating micro-connections helps project the essential, magnetic vibe that says, "I'm open to meeting friends."
The Pay-Off
Finding your community requires both the courage to step outside your comfort zone and the intentionality to show up where your people are. It may require time and effort, but you will find your people, and that is when life truly begins to get fun.
