Creating Connection from Nothing
Moving to Dubai over the last year was surprisingly lonely. You can be surrounded by people all day and still feel isolated.
When my parents separated, I had to live on a council estate called Bryn Celyn in Cardiff. Looking back, my mum was the exact same age I am now, living a completely different life as a single mum raising children. Despite the hard times, living there showed me what real community looked like. Neighbours practically raised all the kids together, front doors were left open, kindness was everywhere, and community was in abundance. I even taught dance at the local community centre. Connection was just part of daily life, not something you had to arrange. Moving to an expat city is very different. People move in and out, and that default sense of community disappears.
What I realised was that nobody is holding back on purpose. Most people are just surviving their own work week.
It takes energy to reach out first, and at the end of a busy week, most people simply run out of steam. We end up sitting at home wanting connection, but waiting for someone else to build the bridge. As executive coach Karen Eldad sums up: “People do not have the capacity to give us what we’re craving. And if I may be blunt: It isn’t their job to do so.”
It sounds blunt, but accepting it actually freed me up. Expecting a fast-moving city to hand me a community on a plate was only ever going to leave me disappointed.
I promised myself I would change my mindset. If I was craving connection, I had to stop waiting and be the one to start it.
The secret is keeping things low effort and low commitment. People turn down big plans because they are already exhausted. If you make it easy and low-pressure to show up, people actually do.
The beach yoga: Tell a few people you will be doing a quick 20-minute stretch on the beach on Saturday morning. They can join in or just sit and watch, with zero pressure.
The open coffee: Tell a few people you will be at a specific cafe on Thursday from 8:00 to 9:00 am working. They can drop by for ten minutes or stay the hour, with zero pressure.
The short walk: Ask a colleague or neighbour to do a quick 15 minute walk after work instead of planning a big dinner.
The regular spot: Pick one local place and go at the same time every week. Familiarity builds connection naturally over time.
When you make things simple, you give people permission to just show up as they are.
It takes a bit of guts to make the first move, especially when you feel like an outsider. But chances are, the person sitting near you feels the exact same quiet isolation.
Could you invite someone for a quick coffee this week? If we miss having a community around us, we have to start building it ourselves.
